Purple Unicorns
by katbybee
Summary: Never start a prank war unless you're very sure your opponent is WAY less devious and capable than you think he is. In other words, NEVER underestimate the enemy. Focuses on Tony and Tim, but Gibbs and Ziva are there, too. Thanks to those who asked what happened next... see "Purple Unicorns, Part Deux." I own nothing but my laptop.


**The Bullpen**

Tony grinned as he waited for his prey. Ziva just rolled her eyes and began working on her report again. She had little interest in the latest round of childish behavior between her co-workers. At least, little she would _admit_ to. _Still..._

A few minutes later, Tim hurried out of the elevator, bearing a tray of coffee. This was a bit of a surprise, since he hadn't mentioned he was bringing anything. He set cups down on both Ziva and Tony's desks, and then one on his own. Gibbs was upstairs in a meeting with Director Vance and would likely be quite a while. Tim set a cup on his desk anyway.

Tony experienced a moment of regret as he thanked Tim for the coffee. Tim sat down at his desk, and rolled his chair forward to boot up his computer, unaware of the tripwire rigged in the kneehole.

He hit it and confetti flew out at him from six different points all over his part of the office. And Tony dissolved into hysterical laughter. Even Ziva cracked a smile at Tim's expression. It was one of supreme aggravation mixed with a bit of enigmatic humor.

"Gotcha again!" Tony crowed.

There was a glint in McGee's eye that Tony really should have noticed. Ziva caught it just before Tony picked up his coffee and took a nice big drink...and gagged. He sputtered, spilling coffee all down his shirt. He alternated between glaring at the offensive brew and a confetti-covered Tim.

"What the hell did you poison my coffee with, Probie?" Tony wheezed.

Now it was Tim's turn to grin."Nothing deadly, DiNozzo. Just a nice healthy dose of pure garlic extract. That was for the deli mustard in my paper clip holder. Gotcha!"

And now both men turned to stare as Ziva began giggling uncontrollably.

And of course, Gibbs chose that moment to step out of Vance's office and stare down at the chaos. He sighed and decided on a new rule. _Never ask a question you don't want the answer to._

His phone rang. "Gibbs." He took the steps two at a time as he hollered, "Mount up, we got a sighting on our murder suspect. McGee, get the confetti out of your hair. DiNozzo, you got another shirt handy? Better grab it, quick. You can change it on the way. Ziva, you done with the hysterics? Good, let's go get some work done."

This rather astonishing speech was delivered rapid-fire before they reached the elevator, at which point he simultaneously punched the button and turned and tossed the keys to Ziva. "Get us there fast, but alive."

Tony groaned as he joined them, having grabbed a spare shirt from his desk drawer. They piled in the elevator and Tony elaborated. "With her driving, fast is a given. Alive? Maybe-"

_Thwack!_

"Thanks, Boss."

**Rock Creek**

In retrospect the incident wasn't exactly Tony's fault. It could have happened to any of them. Well, maybe not _Gibbs_, but still, it seemed to Tony like the tree just jumped out in front of him, and the lights went out. _Man, he hated trees…_

Gibbs watched as the paramedics treated Tony's head wound. What he'd been thinking when he went barreling off the trail into the trees full speed after their suspect, he had no idea. Sometimes DiNozzo was just too dedicated/dumb for his own good.

As near as they could figure, Tony had gotten off a shot at Ensign Frieling, wounding him in the leg and bringing him down. Unfortunately, he'd been going too fast to stop himself from plowing into a low-hanging branch and knocking himself silly.

Ruefully Gibbs noted the blood all over DiNozzo's shirt. The paramedics were also cutting it off him to check for other injuries. That would make the second ruined shirt today. Tony was _not_ going to be a happy camper.

After watching the ambulance cart away a still unconscious Tony, Gibbs concentrated on closing out the scene. He sent the rest of the team back to sort through the details and lock up the ensign. He was going to check on Tony and then have a chat with Ensign Frieling. They had a _lot_ to talk about.

**Bethesda Naval Medical Center**

**Emergency Room**

Tony was sitting on the edge of the gurney. He had a splitting headache and was sporting seven stitches in his forehead and his resemblance to a raccoon was a bit startling. Both eyes were blackening impressively, though he could still see fairly well out of the left one. The right one was swollen nearly shut.

Gibbs had found his way back to the treatment room and was regarding the scene with a raised eyebrow. The doctor was issuing discharge instructions to Gibbs since the patient was clearly a bit loopy.

"Now, as he has a mild concussion, he should not be alone for a couple of days. He can take Tylenol or Advil for any headaches. He can sleep, but should be awakened every few hours for the first night, just to make sure there are no complications."

Gibbs nodded while noting that Tony hadn't seen to notice the doctor was even talking about him. His eyes were wandering all over the room constantly and he seemed to be amused by something only he could see or hear. _Loopy_ was an understatement.

In a low voice, Gibbs asked, "Doc, he seems really confused. Are you sure he's gonna be okay?"

"You've dealt with concussions before, haven't you?"

"Yeah, but not recently...not with him anyway."

"It should be fine. Just come back if there's any problems."

Gibbs nodded. "Will do. Thanks, Doc." He turned to Tony. "You ready to get out of here?"

Tony didn't really seem to register what he said, but smiled anyway.

"Okay, gotcha roger wilco over and out!" Tony staggered to his feet and would have fallen had Gibbs not grabbed onto him. Gibbs once again looked askance at the doctor, who simply gave him a benign smile and left the room. He was relieved when moments later a nurse came back in with a wheelchair. Together, they got DiNozzo loaded into Gibb's car without incident.

Immediately a problem cropped up as Gibbs headed to his place. "No boats!"

"What was that, DiNozzo?"

"Don't want no boats coming upstairs to eat me!"

Tony's eyes were wide, and Gibbs realized that until he got over the concussion, his basement was likely to remain a source of fear for the senior field agent. Gibbs sighed. He pulled over and picked up his phone. He figured the best place for Tony was his own apartment. He dialed a number, hoping to keep things simple. Little did he know…

**Tony's Apartment**

Tony was settled in bed, sound asleep. Tim had checked on him a little while ago and made sure he was okay...or at least okay enough to sleep. He had checked on him several times over the course of the night, and he should sleep till morning. He'd given him a couple of Tylenol and waited in the living room until Tony fell asleep.

When he was sure he was out, Tim went down to his car and brought up the items he had been gathering over the past couple of weeks. He had left them in his "writing room" at home, and after Gibbs had called him earlier, had decided he had been handed a golden opportunity. If he had any qualms about his timing due to Tony's injury, he simply asked himself if Tony would cut him a break if their positions were reversed, and he had his answer. _Of course not!_

And so, Operation Purple Unicorn began. Over the course of the next few hours, with the help of fifty stuffed purple unicorns of various shapes and sizes, several garish unicorn tablecloths, one hundred rolls of purple unicorn gift wrap and nearly as many rolls of tape, Tony's apartment was turned into a unicorn fantasyland.

There were purple unicorns literally EVERYWHERE. He even put one very large unicorn in bed with Tony. Strangely enough, this one was just a big purple unicorn head. He figured Tony would appreciate the "Godfather" reference. _Or maybe not._ Either way, he most likely wouldn't be messing with Tim's paperclip stash anytime soon.

Tim checked on Tony one more time and then settled down on the couch with a grin. He could hardly wait till morning...

**~The End~**


End file.
